Do You Struggle to Sleep Next to a Partner?
Do You Struggle to Sleep When Sharing a Bed With a Partner?
If the answer is yes, you're not alone—this is a really common issue.
There are many reasons why this might have started. Perhaps one of the first times you shared a bed, you didn’t get much sleep. Maybe your partner snores, or you go to bed at different times, and the movement or light wakes you up.
Whatever the trigger, it can create a pattern where simply sharing a bed becomes associated with poor sleep.
The problem is, once we’re aware that we struggle to sleep in a certain situation, our minds often jump to catastrophic thoughts.
Thoughts like:
“What if I don’t sleep well tonight?”
“I never sleep properly when I share a bed.”
“I’m going to be exhausted tomorrow.”
“I just can’t share a bed.”
These thoughts signal to your body that something’s wrong.
And even though these worries aren’t life-threatening, your body doesn’t know the difference. It responds to all perceived threats in the same way—by activating your fight-or-flight response and releasing adrenaline.
So even if you feel tired and relaxed before bed, once those negative thoughts creep in, your body may become alert and tense. This can make it hard to fall asleep, cause you to wake in the night, or leave you feeling restless—because your body is now on high alert.
The good news is, you can retrain your body and brain to feel safe again in this situation.
Here’s how:
1. Don’t avoid sharing a bed.
Unless you are happy to sleep in separate beds, then all is not lost. Don’t avoid sharing as this will reinforce the message to your body that you can’t cope, instead, teach your body you are safe.
When you get into bed and start to feel anxious, take a moment to ground yourself. Use your senses:
What can you smell?
What can you hear?
What can you see around the room?
How does the duvet feel against your skin?
This mindful grounding teaches your body that nothing dangerous is happening. You’re not trying to force sleep, just calmly noticing your surroundings and observing how you feel. You’re showing your body that it’s safe.
2. Flip the negative thoughts.
Rather than focusing on what’s difficult about sharing a bed, ask yourself: What’s good about it?
Yes, you might not sleep quite as well sometimes, but what are the positives?
Perhaps you enjoy the feeling of being close to your partner. Maybe it brings you comfort, warmth, and intimacy. Focus on those feelings. Remind yourself why you want to share a bed in the first place.
In short, shift the focus from fear to safety, from discomfort to connection.
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